- If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed
for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
- If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do
you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad
you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have
all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are
sore, my car won't start..." When they try to get to the sell,
just keep talking about your problems.
- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to
spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then
ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal
questions or questions about their company for as long as
necessary.
- This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name
is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: (Wait for a second)
With a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
- Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy,
how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief
moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could
know you from.
- Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each
one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak.
This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
- If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family
and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can,
"I don't have any friends...would YOU be my friend?"
- If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get blood
out? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
- Ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered,
tell them that you could not just give your credit card number
to a complete stranger.
- Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company,
they often can't sell to their fellow employees.
- Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my
God!!!" and then hang-up.
- Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask
them if they will give you their HOME phone number, you will
call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they
cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't
want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.
- Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
- Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please
hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to
eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with
your dinner conversation.
- Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and
ask if they could bring you some beer.
- Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But
I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
- Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing
a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's
your momma?"
- Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to
speak up... louder... louder... louder...
- Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write
DOWN EVERY WORD.
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