AUDI:  
  Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
  Another Uninformed Driver Insulted
  All Unnecessary Devices Installed 

BMW:  
  Big Money Works
  Bought My Wife  
  Brutal Money Waster
  Bimbette Motor Weapon
  Break My Window
  Big Man Wannabe
  Big Money Wasted 
  Broken Money Waster 

BUICK:  
  Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
  Big Ugly Import Car Killer

CADILLAC:
  Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars  

CHEVROLET:  
  Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
  Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
  Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips 
  Car Has Earnhardt Victorious Racing Or Lapping Every Track 
  Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time 

CHRYSLER:
  Can't Have Refund, You're Stuck Leasing Edsel's Replacement 
  
DODGE:  
  Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
  Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater 
 
FIAT:  
  Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
  Fix It All the Time
  Fix it again, Tony!
  Fix it again tomorrow  
  Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation 

FORD:  
  Frigin Old Rebuilt Dodge
  First On Recall Day
  First On Rust and Deterioration
  Fix Or Repair Daily
  Found On Road, Dead
  Fault Of Research and Development
  Fast Only Rolling Downhill
  Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
  Found On Russian Dump
  Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto's 
  Ford backwards:  Drivers returning on foot.
  Forward Only, Reverse Defective 
  Fast On Repair Demands 

GEO:  
  Good Engineering Overlooked 

GM:  
  General Maintenance
  Great Mistake
  Garage Me 
 
GMC:  
  Garage Man's Companion
  Got A Mechanic Coming?
  Generally Mediocre Cars 
  Got More Crap 
 
HONDA:  
  Had One Never Did Again
 
HYUNDAI:  
  Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP:  
  Junk Engineered, Executed Poorly

KIA: 
  Kick It Again 
  Kick Inventors Ass 
  Korean Intelligence Absent 

LINCOLN:
  Lousy Implementation, Not Cars Of Luxurious Nature 
 
MAZDA:  
  Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
  Made After Zero Design Analysis 

MERCEDES:
  Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales 

MERCURY:
  Many Endless Rattles Create Uncomfortable Road Yacht. 

MOPAR:
  Most Often Passed At Races 
  Mostly Old Parts And Rust 
  Mostly Old Paint And Rust 
	 
OLDSMOBILE:  
  Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly 
	Late Everywhere
  Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular 
	Leftover Equipment
  Old Ladies Drive Slow-Mostly Over Bridges Into Lake Erie

PLYMOUTH:  
  Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, All Underestimating This Heap

PONTIAC:  
  Poor Old Nick Thinks It's A Cadillac

PORSCHE:  
  Proof Only Rich Suckers Can Have Everything
 
SAAB:  
  Send Another Automobile Back
  Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
  Sad Attempt At Beauty

SATURN: 
  Sad Attempt To Unload Recycled Nissans 

STEALTH:
  Speed Trap Equipment Aims Low, Targets Hood 

SUBARU:  
  Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA:  
  Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
  Too Often Yuppies Overaccessorize This Auto 

TRIUMPH:  
  The Risk In Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
 
VOLVO:  
  Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
 
VW:  
  Virtually Worthless 

YUGO:
  Yearly undergoes garage operations 
  You'll utter "greatly overpriced"